


It would be like breathing.

by Schemilix



Category: Final Fantasy Tactics
Genre: Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-11
Updated: 2012-09-11
Packaged: 2017-11-14 01:26:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/509840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schemilix/pseuds/Schemilix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I could drown in you so easily.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It would be like breathing.

Long had I thought that absence of desire was the only way to endure. All wishes unfufilled, cast away - such was happiness to me. Is it not natural to want what we cannot have? So why be content with the wanting, why allow something so trivial to dominate us in the sleepless darkness, in the hollows of nights? 

I realised there is a reason why it isn't easy to cast off need, doubt, wonder. Now I have outgrown it, I realise my mistake. I have become a... hollow thing. Forgotten how to strive. My sword cuts the edge of empty routine; my magick is cast from echoes; sleep evades me, yet there is nothing to wake for. In wishing to become a weapon of will, I have made myself a tool - a tool unable to wield itself. I recognise my keen edge, my pride wounds me but I know better, I learned better, than to cut it away.

If my self is a bleeding stump then you are the surgeon to keep me whole - stitches pierce, fire burns, does it not? 

There is no healing that is not the pain to remind a man of his mistakes, the body's way of punishing. 

If I am but a sword then you are its arm. If the blood must coat me, then I will drink it gladly. The desires remember pain; remember heat; remember... 

The stone hard between us, your chest, obscuring your heartbeat - pressing into skin, the only distance there, the voice: 'Punish me' it whispered and you, it seemed, indulged, broke me as I asked, fixed me as I did not, to break me, excoriate me, the dark lines on my breast, the red pits that marked where and what you had held: desire, still, hot as blood, you filled me with it...

Sun-burning, I feel so small, so rare.

You... You are what I deserve, to feel alive, if not human.

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhat deliberately ambiguous. I was reluctant to upload it, actually, but I want to show someone.


End file.
